A New Day

Yes, internet a new day has dawned. And to continue the metaphor this bright new dawn follows a somewhat too long and too dark night. Okay, well it wasn't as bad as all that but there was a minute there when it all could have gone horribly awry. As it was, I had certain persons who shall remain nameless*coughkellycough* that I had officaly gone off the deep end.

I have been making adjustments to my new life. Not the least of which has been moving in with friend's of mine in Paradise - the town that I now call home. I love it. They are warm and genuine people who I love and they have the most darling little boy ever who I plan on stealing away in the dead of night, along with my niece and living happily ever after with in a faraway place that never gets cold! It shall be glorius, internet. We will live and laugh until our tummies hurt and drink coconut milk and tropical fruit bunch, and look at fishies swimming everywhere and have a warm, cozy house on the beach!

Right. Enough with the kidnapping. But srsly .. these children are beautiful. Soon enough there will be pictures. Maddox, who is only slightly older than my neice was getting ready to leave this afternoon to go to the babysitter's house. He looked at me, all dressed and ready to go waved and said "see ya later!" in his adorable little voice and ran over to give me a kiss! I melted internet. We sit and read stories about Mother Goose and Tonka trucks, which comes out sounding like "big cock!" when Maddox says it. He has beautiful blonde hair, and the most angelic chubby little face and gorgeous blue eyes.

Classes have also started again, which is beyond awesome. It gives me ample distraction from getting caught in the inevitable bad days that will come. I no longer listen to my Melancholy playlist on YouTube. I am done feeling sorry for myself. Done, done, and done. Even I can only stand so much wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, lamenting that I am now single. But, I'm getting used to it.

I'm flirting again, internet. And I love it! I have customers who come in at work (also another welcome distraction) who flirt and I shamelessly return it! It's bliss I tell you, bliss! I had forgotten how much fun it was to flirt - and an ego boost too! I unabashedly gawk at handsome men. It's wonderful! And, I think a lot of my newly found and formed state of mind has a lot to do with two... opkay three things.

One: My Tattoo. Srsly. I love it. I look at all the time and gush over how pretty and delicate and feminine it is and everything it means. And somehow .. I know that no matter what, I'm gonna be okay. I know that there's a little bit of Shakti in me - all I have to do is look for it. It's really a powerful word I have inked into my skin. I knew what it meant when I got it done .. but now internet.. gods, i do love it. It has become almost something spiritually profound for me. As a woman, I am capable of all things that Shakti means: creation, life, birth, strength, beauty - the epitomy of everything feminine. I think ,.. no, I know that getting this tattoo has been one of the best deciscions I have ever made. There are more I want to get as well, but they will have to wait. I am utterly broke right now.

Two: Kelly. My dearest and darling big sister. I love her so much. She has been one of the constants in my life, and been with me through every new boyfriend and every break up. She has shared my triumphs and when I felt as if I had gotten the shitty end of stick she's been there to take my side and swear at the nay-sayers. She has always told me everything in black and white - never grey. And I love her for it. She doesn't sugar coat anything for when .. even though sometimes I wish she would but am beyond glad when she doesn't. She said I needed to get back on the road to reclaiming myself. And she couldn't be more right. She usually is about stuff like that. So I have come to decide a few things after talking to her.

The first is that I am no longer going out to look for a man. I have done that for as long I can remember. SO, from now on if a guy wants my attention he's just going to have to come and make himself known to me and I will decide from there if I can be bothered or not to pursue it. I have plans that I've made, things that I want to do with my life and I absolutely refuse to compromise them for anybody. I've made my share of sacrifices to get where I am and I'm not finsihed getting to where I want to go. Sure, I could have not made the choices I made and have all the other things that I want, but deep down I know I wouldn't be happy. So, for the time being my personal life is just going to have to wait.

I've also decided to get a haircut. I don't know what .. and frankly, I don't care. I'm getting my friend, who's also a hairdresser, to do it. I've said to her already that I don't care what she does with it .. just do something. Cut it off, change the color ... do whatever you want. It's about time. I haven't cut my hair in a very long time and now that one chapter of my life is over, it's time to start the new one on a high note. A haircut seems like a perfect idea.

Three: Dee. I love this girl. She knows me so well, and knows exactly what music to put to use in any given situation. She makes me laugh until I want to pee my pants. She isn't afriad to be silly with me and she invaribly knows how to make me feel better. She has made new countless mixed CDs that I keep in my car and from them, I've collected a few personal anthems. One of which is Crazy Bitch. It's vulgar and raw and I love it! Another is Fuck You, by Lily Allen. I love Lily regardless but this particular song is perfect for when you're pissed off and you feel like flashing the world The Bird. Already Gone, by Kelly Clarkson is another. It's a little on the sad side but it fits me ...y'know? I could go on and on at great length about Dee and her music but it's getting near supper time and I'm cooking tonight!

So, on that note I leave you with Lily's Fuck You!