Late Night Muse

The nights are unusually long without Dev. Most nights I stay awake as long as possible, so I am sleeping as few hours as possible without him.

I know, I know that sounds weird and maybe a little over-the-top in love, but it's true. I hate sleeping without him.

I miss coming home at the end of the day, and having our condo filled with delicious aromas of whatever higgly-piggly concoction he's whipping up in the kitchen. I miss the lazy Sunday afternoon's we spend on the couch, watching movies - even the times when they were either Hindi movies, or Malayalm movies (with no subtitles) and I would watch them anyway to try and figure out what exactly is going on. FYI, the amount of times that I was actually accurate is eerie considering I don't speak either language.

That will be a challenge in and of itself - learning Hindi and/or Malayalam. I srsly shudder when I even think about trying to do that. It's gonna be so hard. And I've always felt awkward speaking another language - how messed up is that?! I used to take French in high school and a little bit in University, and I wasn't that bad at it actually but I've lost most of it now, mostly because I don't know that many people who speak French conversationally so I really wouldn't even know where to start .. and now, when a scattered French word or phrase comes to mind and I say it out loud - usually to Dev, who's pretending to be French because he saw it on TV and thinks it's cool - I feel SO weird!

It's just French! It's a beautiful language, and really a "gateway language" to Spanish and Italian, just to name a few. Srsly. I think I'm wired a little wrong some days.

However, I do know a few colorful swears words in different languages so that's always entertaining - just don't break out the really bad ones at dinner parties.

I miss him rolling over in the middle of the nights, limbs all heavy with sleep and feel the soft thud as his arm slides across my back. Or the way he curls in to me sometimes, arm wrapped around me and will give me a little tug to get closer together.

I miss the mornings we sleep in together, and wake up over mugs of coffee in our Star Wars mugs in bed. We never really say much, but there is always some part of our body touching the other.

I miss the way he kisses me on the forehead when I'm still sleeping, after numerous attempts to get me to wake up and I keep saying "Five more minutes!" I can promise you that almost every single time he chuckles at me, tells me to "get up dirtbag," and will put a mug of coffee on the nightstand. And on the days that I'm really lazy he'll usually give me a smack on the butt, or jerk part of the blankets and tell me to get up it's a beautiful day and that it's "DEV AND ALANNA'S DAY OF FUN!!!"

Fuck.

I miss him. Which probably accounts for why I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster the last week or so. I'm keeping myself busy so that I don't have time to acknowledge the fact that I miss him.

It's funny the coping mechanisms the mind and body come up with.

If I ever get back in the hot room I'm gonna be a mess. Jeez Louise. To all my teachers, I will apologize in advance.

I do need the yoga again though. I took a break before Dev left to spend time with him and get some time for us and time for myself to gain perspective and just process what a crazy year it's been. But the pieces are coming back together.

Everyone is happy and healthy. Dev is with his family and he's busy nearly every single day. It's hard for us to talk like we used so I'm judging by the few photo's he sends me on FB and the scattered Skype dates we have that everything is going well for him.

Alright internet ... it is late. I have to adult tomorrow. I don't want to adult. But adults are supposed to be good at adulting - they don't tell you that when you're a kid and you're anxious to grow up. So. I shall leave you with a favourite skit of mine between sweet JGL and NPH.