To The Day

It's been almost a month to the day, maybe a little more, since Dev left.

It was hard at first, coming home to the house and not having him here. Getting to sleep at night was the worst! It took me a week or two to actually fall asleep before 2am. Even now, I still have nights where the absence of him in our bed leaves me restless and I toss and turn all night long until I finally fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

I'm adjusting slowly to him being gone a little more every day. The week ends are usually the hardest. But the Universe has put some amazing people in my life and the last 2 week ends have been absolutely amazing. I'm also starting to adjust the fact that my entire life might be turned upside down in the very near future - the sheer enormity of possible changes catches me off guard at the weirdest and oddest of moments sometimes.

Like today -  I was driving to Calgary to spend some time with a few friends and get in some shopping when a song came on  - Bright Lights, Big City by 30 Seconds to Mars - and I just started to let my mind wander and think about moving to the other side of the world and everything THAT entails and out of nowhere, I just started crying.

Did I mention that I was hurtling down Highway at 120kms/hr?

Yeah ... kinda of makes crying while driving a bit of a dicey game.

"WTF is wrong with me?" I asked, myself as I wiped away a streak of tears, merged in to the other lane, and passed some guy in a jacked up truck who - if he was looking - would have thought that I was totally crazy person.

Living in Alberta is awesome, don't get me wrong, but it's still tough to see my family. My parents are coming for a visit though later in August which will be fun. But I haven't seen my nephews or nieces in years. And with a possible move to Dubai on the horizon, who knows when I'll see any of them again.

It's been 2, if not 3, years since I've seen Daddy, and even longer still since I've seen my brothers.

Man .. have I really been gone from home that long already?!

It seems like it was just a year ago that I packed my life in to my little Chevy Cobalt with my brother and sister in law and drove across the tiny little Island on Newfoundland to meet Dev in Halifax, Nova Scotia to begin our first road trip together to our new home in Timmins.

We've been in Red Deer for a year and half already.

If it turns out that I am moving, maybe I'll see if I can arrange my travel plans so that I get a couple of days back on The Rock to see all my monsters and siblings and the few friends I still have there before getting on another plane and heading in to tomorrow - literally!

You cross the International Date Line when you travel to Dubai so they're living in the future. How's that for a long distance relationship for you?

It's funny how your life goes sometimes. Never in a millions years did I think I would end up in the places that I've been. I'm a small town girl from little ole Newfoundland. And here I am, the youngest and only girl in my immediate family living away in Alberta - not unlike a bunch of other Newfoundlander - who's now entertaining dreams of moving to the other side of the world! Granted, my family doesn't have a penchant for moving. I think of all my aunts, uncles and cousins, you can probably count on one hand those of us who've moved from NL to go and explore the great big blue orb that we're on and settle down elsewhere - although "settled" is definitely not the word I would use to describe my life at all right now.

Sometimes Dev doesn't get how big of a deal it is, all this moving stuff. He's used to moving around from place to place. The town I'm from, people don't do that. They're born and raised there. They get married and raise they're kids there. They live their there. The die there. They get buried there. Sure, they may take exotic vacations every once in a while, but they always come back to the place they call home. Moving is so foreign to me. I have to ask myself if it's really want I do - to pack, and compartmentalize my life and cart it from one place to another. Unpack it all, and start another life in a new place and build new relationships and collect all these memories and experience, and then box it all up again and start somewhere else.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a home.

There's just so much of this big planet that I want to see, and experience so many different things, and learn and grow and meet so many people. I can't imagine - my brain can't even fathom - the idea of seeing nothing more of this world other than the world you know just outside your doorstep.

And I know that really, the song is about Los Angeles, but for me ... Dubai is my LA. Dubai is where my life changes. Again. I think it'll be the third time I'll have moved, but it will be the biggest move if I've ever made in my life (if and/or when I go). In the meantime, I'll still dream and stress out over potentially moving to the other side of the world, and just let the Jared Leto and 30 Seconds to Mars be the soundtrack for those dreams ...


Popular Posts