According to dictionary.com the definition of perseverance is as follows:
- steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement."
So, then I looked up persistence, which led me to the root word of persist. There are three definitions, but two of them are truly spectacular:
- to continue steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action, or the like, especially in spite of opposition, remonstrance, etc.
- to last or endure tenaciously
I had a conversation today that really made me feel defeated. Adventures were on the table with loved ones and it killed me to say that I couldn't go due to financial constraints. So, I turned my phone on silent and basically ignored the outside world.
Then I sat myself down here at my laptop and began to work (read: Google search memes) and came across the meme/quote that head's up today's blog post.
It might be a weird thing to look for on-line quotes and meme's that make you feel better, and maybe for me it's a coping mechanism so I don't get swallowed up in some black hole of defeat and self pity and all sorts of other unhelpful emotions. Either way, it worked for me today.
It's so easy to feel defeated sometimes when you're on the job hunt. It takes a toll. Speaking from my own personal experience, when you aren't a part of the workforce, it can (and has, for me) affected a lot of my relationships.
My friendships have been affected because I decline a lot of invitations to go out and socialize. We used to all get together for Wing Wednesday's but I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I went out for one. Other friends I don't see any more at all - although I think that comes from not being a part of the same corporate culture anymore as opposed to any real social obligations.
It's had an effect on romantic relationships as well. It's a strain sometimes, when you feel as if you're workin' your tail off to get yourself employed again and nothing comes to fruition. I'm hard on myself, and I have never been harder on myself as I have been these past five months. How do you create and build a successful partnership when you yourself don't feel like a success? So far, it's taken a lot of patience on behalf of both of us, the maintenance of our own personal spaces, unwavering support, and communication.
Being excluded from the workforce also has also affected my relationship with my self. And this might be the most important one. It seems to be the "on trend" thing in internet culture these days to promote self care. Like a lot of women, when I hear the term "self care" I think of a lot of material things:
- getting your hair and nails done
- spa days
Now, don't get me wrong, I fully support those kinds of things. Sadly, those kind of self care activities have become luxuries as opposed to necessities lately. It's amazing the confidence boost a fifty dollar manicure can provide you with. However, I think "self care" should include so much more than that. I think it should include creating a space that is solely for yourself. I think self care should include the internal conversations you have with yourself. Listen to how you talk to yourself. I am my own worst critic, and I confess that I haven't always been gentle or kind with the words I've used about my self lately - a wholly unhelpful practice, I promise you.
What I have tried to do lately is to make positivity a choice. I have literally said "I gotta good feeling about today!" and while nothing major may have happened that day, by and large I had great days full of happiness and laughter, or enjoyed a few hours of solitude.
The struggle is real, that much is true. And maybe recognizing the struggle is half the battle - knowing that it's gonna be a hard, uphill battle and still showing up anyway and doing whatever it takes to get one step ahead. And maybe the other half of the battle is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I needed this reminder today - to show up; to be persistent; to keep going; to change direction if necessary so long as it is never backwards; to never stop moving.